From Politico: “This change is felt most in the Senate, which is beginning to look like a production of ‘Oklahoma’ filled with understudies and missing old stars such as Gordon MacRae and Shirley Jones.”

What exactly prompted a line of thinking that led to a simile like that? Visions of Robert Byrd as Aunt Eller? John McCain and Joe Lieberman singing “People Will Say We’re in Love”?

I’m not criticizing the idea, necessarily. Chuck Grassley and Ken Salazar could dance around while the rest of the Senate sings “The farmer and the cowman should be friends.” And I hear Larry Craig is just a girl who cain’t say no.

But Kit Bond might have a hard time justifying any more huge infrastructure earmarks to Missouri after singing “Everything’s up to date in Kansas City.”

I don’t know. But who could resist Ted Kennedy with a rousing rendition:

Tuna, cod, and bass better scurry
When I take you out in the surrey….

(This guy also plays “Classical Gas,” which I guess also describes what he’s playing above.)

(Two fart-related posts in a row–and they’re the only offerings in many weeks. Rather sad. I blame George W. Bush.)

Long live the farters!

Mutiny on the Bounty (the 1962 Marlon Brando version) was on teevee the other night. The 1935 Clark Gable version is much better–and it’s quite fun on the odd weekend evening to practice my impersonation of Charles Laughton’s Captain Bligh. In the privacy of my home. Ahem.

But the ‘62 version is fine. And has better music. And spends more time telling the story of the mutineers’ post-mutiny-ing life on Pitcairn Island.

Which I hadn’t paid much attention to, even after reading the novel and some of the other historical accounts and memorizing various parts of the various movie versions. I’ve always been semi-intrigued that there are still descendants of the mutineers living there (despite the vile things they’re doing that make me think someone should go in and clean the place out), but never really paid attention to those early days.

Like the birth of Fletcher Christian’s son on Pitcairn on a Thursday in October, which resulted in the child being named…Thursday October Christian.

He looks like a Thursday:

Or maybe he looks like a Friday, since some Britishers renamed him when they found that the mutineers didn’t account for the International Date Line.

I find this all fascinating.

Of course, I also practice my impersonation of Charles Laughton’s Captain Bligh on the odd weekend evening.

Badminton:

“I know my leg is also detached, but I have bigger problems: the flies here are huge.”

Triathlon:

Alternate interpretation: “My leg has also somehow detached itself, which is unfortunate because I’m being pelted with snowballs and need to run away.”

I love me some Olympics. The pageantry, the focus and determination of the athletes, the John Williams soundtrack.

More the pageantry and the John Williams soundtrack, to be honest. Athletes doing well isn’t as interesting to me as athletes doing poorly–and/or throwing fits.

That Swedish wrestler guy threw a classic one.

Oh–and Mark Spitz threw a magnificent one. It’s gained a lot of attention, mostly from folks who didn’t know he shaved off the ’stache. And from folks like me who didn’t know he was still alive.

I love the geopolitics, Bush sitting with Putin while Russian tanks invade Georgia…. The lack of Juan Antonio Samaranch is always pleasant, too.

I even like the rough and tumble involving the nine-year-olds China is attempting to pass off as sixteen-year-old gymnasts.

Can’t quite get behind synchronized diving, though. The Olympic motto is Citius, Altius, Fortius–faster, higher, stronger. Nothing in there about jumping off a platform and doing identical mid-air twisties.

And I don’t much care for the noodle-men pictograms they’re using to represent the various events. The one for rhythmic gymnastics, for instance:

To me, that doesn’t represent rhythmic gymnastics. It says “somehow my left leg has come detached, but fortunately I found this length of rope with which to tie it back on.”

I like the Million Dollar Password well enough–and even appreciate the lack of a hyphen in the title, as hyphenated clues are illegal on Password. I’m sure that was intended. Ahem.

But these “guest stars” they get…. This Monique Coleman is a lovely young…actress? Singer? Something fame-related. But she really should have caught a few episodes of the classic game before she appeared here. When you get “Scottish” and then “instrument” as clues and you guess “banjo”–that just hurts. Or when you get “uncle” and you guess “cousin”….

And we’re only halfway through this episode.

They had 117-year-old Betty White as a guest star the other week and she’s still fantastic. Bring her back–make her a regular. Some of the stars since then are veering into Dick Martin territory.

*Monique Coleman addendum: in her defense, she just gave “limousine” and “driver” as clues for “chauffeur.” That’s textbook Password. There’s still hope.

I grew up on 1776–movie and musical–and have indeed watched the 1972 movie version on tape twice today. And listened to the 1997 cast recording (featuring Brent Spiner) throughout the week in the car. And have fond memories of watching it live on stage in my hometown with locals in the various parts. The law director, portraying John Hancock, fell asleep in his chair during Act II, but a fine effort nonetheless.

Keeping that reverence in mind, I nonetheless think that this Brokeback version is outrageously funny. Especially the close. 9.9 out of 10.

It would have been a perfect 10 if they’d worked in Jefferson’s line “Virginia abstains.”

It’s been a while since I’ve reflected on Florence Henderson’s unfailing devotion to cole slaw:

www.flohome.com

What is your favorite food?
I love pasta. And I love cole slaw. If it is an option, I always get cole slaw, and sometimes I’ll get a double order. It is really good on a turkey sandwich. And I like chicken fingers too. With cole slaw, of course!

A few years ago, I vowed to dedicate myself to getting cole slaw renamed “flo slaw” in her honor. I’m tempted to rededicate myself to that effort. Not a bad legacy–for her or for me.

Barbara Walters: I had affair with U.S. senator

“Writing Advantage® helps you set quality writing standards that increase productivity, resolve issues, reduce errors, and increase credibility.”–FranklinCovey.com.

First error they help you reduce to increase your credibility: stopping the improper use of the word “quality.”

“If you buy books from a local independent bookstore, you are keeping the local economy going, and you’re being green because you’re not shipping books to your house.”–Valerie Koehler, owner of Blue Willow Bookshop, Houston.

Be sure to visit the Blue Willow website, where you can order books and have them shipped to your house.

I was in the Rayburn House Office Building, which transformed into a Staples when I rounded a corner. Got in the checkout line behind Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly to buy a file folder.

This is, for better or worse, not the first dream I’ve had about Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly.

I don’t know anymore.

I dreamed last night that I was in the Little House on the Prairie episode where Charles is railroaded into joining the Ku Klux Klan.

I don’t think that episode ever aired. Or even existed.

If it had, it would have been a two-parter the way I dreamed it.

With a subplot where Mrs. Oleson seizes control of her hedge fund but ends up losing a bundle anyway.

“You can always spot a fool, for he is the man who will tell you he knows who is going to win an election. But an election is a living thing–you might almost say, the most vigorously alive thing there is–with thousands upon thousands of brains and limbs and eyes and thoughts and desires, and it will wriggle and turn and run off in directions no one ever predicted, sometimes just for the joy of proving the wiseacres wrong.”–Marcus Tullius Tiro in Robert Harris’s Imperium.

The wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain.

I am currently not very good at managing time. Not a good steward of time. Not a good timesteward, which is notaword.

For instance, for the last half-week, I’ve been wanting to put something in writing about journeys in general–but specifically about the Ohio-Virginia drive I make about six times a year, if not more. Something about making the trip back in the dark sometimes, and how I rely on the taillights of the cars in front of me–even if they’re far ahead of me–to know where I’m going. Something about how I get nervous when I drive through the Maryland mountains late at night, especially when it’s foggy, and there are no cars in sight to follow. Something about how God gives us the guides we need to make our journeys, maybe something about how we can rely on the yellow line along the right shoulder when we don’t have those guides.

Then the attention-deficit kicks in and I reflect on how the highway departments paint those lines with a unique compound that actually disappears in the rain. Brilliant. There was an article recently about British technology efforts to render tanks invisible; all they’ll need to do is paint them highway yellow and soak them down. But I digress from the digression.

No reason I haven’t taken the time to flesh that stuff out yet. Well, maybe work stuff, which for a variety of reasons is much heavier this year than last. And I’ve managed to do some reading this week, finishing off a book we’re using in a Sunday School class and starting another. And slogging through Numbers, which is only slightly more of a page-turner than Leviticus.

I set a highly unrealistic book-reading goal for myself this year (77). I’m at…a lower number than that, even when counting the books in the “started but stopped” pile. I set no movie-watching goal for myself this year, but am closer to that 77 than with the books:

The Good Shepherd
Children of Men
Rocky Balboa
The Queen
Notes on a Scandal
Breach
The Number 23
Amazing Grace
Zodiac
Shooter
300
Pathfinder
The Hoax
The Reaping
Fracture
Hot Fuzz
Mr. Brooks
Spider-Man 3
A Mighty Heart
SiCKO
Talk to Me
The Simpsons Movie
3:10 to Yuma
Eastern Promises
Across the Universe
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
The Kingdom
Rendition
Michael Clayton
American Gangster
Lions for Lambs
August Rush

(August Rush was today’s flick and is a fine movie, but from some prominent holes in the structure of the thing I imagine there was a lot taken out toward the end.)

(And that Keri Russell is a rather appealing-looking person.)

So, yes: time stewardship needs improvement in the reading category, probably not so much in the movies category. The journey to my study (just across the hall) is far shorter than the journey to the theater in the outlet mall (17 miles), and I shouldn’t need any taillights or invisible paint lines to guide my way.

Neither journey involves driving through fog-prone mountains, though, so 2008 could see me hit the 40-movie mark. I can live with that–especially if it’s accompanied by the 40-book mark.

Evel Knievel–1938-2007

I haven’t been to the Army Band’s Christmas extravaganza at DAR Constitution Hall for a few years–back when Maureen McGovern was there. And was fantastic, as Maureen McGovern always is.

This year, the headliner is Louise Mandrell, who looks downright fetching in this here picture from the Army Band Holiday Festival website:

Downright fetching. I might have to bump her up in my Mandrell Sisters Order of Preference; I used to be strictly an Irlene man.

…I would restore the Oxygen Channel, which was just moved to the premium cable tier, to the local basic package.

Because that Tyra person is lovely and has pretty eyes, and it’s fun to be flipping around the channels and find that she’s on.

Actor-singer Robert Goulet dies at age 73

And she’s not happy about it.

I don’t think we’ll be seeing Wayne Newton this year.

We’re pulling this train into the final stop here.

No time for Wayne.

And there’s not much good Wayne Newton on YouTube–and nothing from his many telethon appearances–so here’s some Juice Newton from the Arthritis Telethon.

¿Donde esta Charo?

At least we have some memories:

Um, we’re losing precious hours here and still no Charo. Still no Wayne Newton. Saving them for the end?

Good to see Jack Jones still on this side of the dirt, though. A little raspy, but hey.

Ed just called Jerry “Jelly.”

Doesn’t the irony meter go off in your head when you 1. tell us that Carrot Top will appear in the next hour of the Telethon and 2. ask us not to go anywhere? You’ve given us fair warning; how can you ask us not to heed it?

(I think Ed just called Jerry “Jeff.” Hiyo.)

I find myself satisfied with the ample screen time given to Mr. Tony Orlando, Ms. Maureen McGovern, and that Five for Fighting fellow.

Makes me almost forget–almost–that Charo and Wayne Newton haven’t been on yet.

More of a personal observation involving the Telethon: why is it that I leap out of bed after five hours of sleep to flip on the Telethon, while on any ordinary day I can’t do the same in order to ride the exercise bike and/or read the Bible?

I need a major adjustment of my priorities. Which would be made easier if Charo recorded the Bible on a 64-CD set, but I shouldn’t wait around for that dream to come true.

You know what would elicit more pledges from Chicagoland during the local telethon segments? More Nadia Comaneci and her sexy Romanian accent.

Or they should put her on national and let the country listen to her sexy Romanian accent.

Because listening to Jerry and Ed and their occasional geriatric ramblings is not as endearing as I thought it would be this year.

I mean: God bless them for doing this year after year after year and raising so much money, but when you add their ages they’re like 250 years old.

So yeah. Nadia. And her sexy Romanian accent.

Sign that he’s still got it (sorta): Norm Crosby, who otherwise digs back about thirty years for topical humor, just made a Larry Craig joke.

Sign that he’s not quite all there anymore: Ed McMahon just regressed fifteen years and called Jerry “Johnny.”

Sign that it’s time to shut off the telethon and never ever watch it again: Gary Lewis and the Playboys are “performing.” As they do every year. “This Diamond Ring.” Every year. Enough already.

Twenty-two minutes into this thing and Jerry has directed slurs against the Japanese, Germans, and Southerners.

He’s slowing down in his old age.

The success of the MDA telethon’s entertainment lineup is in direct proportion to Wayne Newton’s screen time.

Danke schoen.

The success of the MDA telethon’s entertainment lineup is in direct proportion to Charo’s screen time.

Cuchi cuchi.

August always flies by so quickly that I’m almost caught unprepared for the Annual Labor Day Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Association Annual Jerry Lewis Labor Day Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day Annual Jerry Lewis Annual Muscular Dystrophy Association Jerry Lewis Labor Day Annual Telethon. Benefiting the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Hosted by Jerry Lewis.

On Labor Day.

(Annually.)

One year I tried to live-blog it, but that never works for me. And I never stay awake for the whole thing. (And I tend to flip the channel over to the U.S. Open and/or whatever TVLand-type marathon happens to be on.) And I like to hit some restaurant for some fine dining during the day–a sort of final hurrah for the congressional August recess. Because August recess, historically, is always a week too short, whether it’s four weeks or five weeks or whatever.

But I will watch a goodly portion of it this year, even though I should turn off the teevee and finish up my light summer reading before we get into much more of September.

SiCKO patients got VIP treatment in Cuba

Actor Charles Nelson Reilly Dies at 76

I missed the Menudo tryouts.

Larry Hagman’s Wikipedia entry was revised last week; someone removed “spoiler text” that revealed Kristin Shepard as J.R.’s would-be assassin on “Dallas.”

“Spoiler text”? Twenty-seven years after the episode first aired, this is considered a spoiler?

Argh.

“It’s his sled. It was his sled from when he was a kid. There–I just saved you two long, boobless hours.”–Peter Griffin’s commentary on Citizen Kane, “Family Guy.”

I thought about live-blogging the TV Land Awards last night, but was completely thrown off track at the beginning: they announced that Mackenzie Phillips from “One Day at a Time” would be one of the presenters. Didn’t she die like twenty years ago?

Evidently not–there she was. And “clean and sober since January 27, 1992,” according to IMDB. Bully for her.

Maybe she could give Boris Yeltsin a call–maybe try to help him get clean and sober, too.

Whoops.

…dead at the age of 217. RIP.

1. Easter back home in Ohio: highly recommended. Also too brief. Also a bit misunderstood: at a familial gathering, I made reference to “being in the minority”–by which I meant working for a Republican under the Democrat majority in Congress. It was interpreted as being a white feller in the District of Columbia. Not what I meant.

2. The national anthem of North Korea, I must say, is a stately little tune.

3. My office compatriots and I are due at the White House tomorrow for a West Wing tour. I’m wavering on my desire for one; will have to be at work tomorrow earlier than I got out of bed this morning. Sleep is my friend. And it always takes me a few days to get back into the congressional grind after even just 46 hours in the sanity and serenity that is Ohio. Sleep–and the resulting lateness for work–is my preferred form of protest at having to leave home after so short a time.

4. Why, oh why, oh why-o…why did I ever leave Ohio?

5. I have yet to do my taxes. Not a smart or responsible thing, since the Man owes me money. I blame this on the congressional grind as well: if it’s not due in the next four hours, keep it off my plate.

6. There is no sixth item on this Random Nonsense list.

7. Why did I wander to find what lies yonder, when lif e was so cozy at home?

8. The national anthem of the Netherlands is also impressive.

9. I end up reading Exodus about once a year, for whatever reason, but can’t get my head wrapped around the Tabernacle construction just from the reading. I have to look at a picture while I’m reading. The Tabernacle construction bit is one of the most confusing parts of the Old Testament to me.

10. That, and “Nimrod was a mighty hunter before the Lord–therefore it is said: ‘Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the Lord.’” I take it that “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the Lord” was a popular expression back in the day, and one day someone asked, “Hey–where did that expression come from, anyway?” and someone else answered, “Well, there was this guy named Nimrod, and he was a mighty hunter before the Lord. And that’s where that comes from.”

11. Wond’rin’ why I wander–why did I fly, why did I roam?

12. That Nimrod bit was funnier in my head.

13. It was funny back in college.

14. It was funny in the same way that Tony Trabert was funny one day in his U.S. Open coverage, when he helpfully explained that “if your opponent is serving and you break his serve, you’re said to have broken his serve.”

15. “Bruce Sutter has been around for a while, and he’s pretty old. He’s 35 years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is.”–Ron Fairly.

16. Oh why, oh why-o did I leave Ohio? Maybe I’d better go home.

1. What’s with all the bitching about the new passport requirement for Canada, Mexico, et al? You’re traveling to a foreign land–why exactly would you not need a passport? Who cares what the rules were in the past?

2. The next episode up on my “Dallas” Season Six DVD set is the one where Rebecca Wentworth dies in a plane crash. I think I cried when that first aired–1983. I was ten. I was an odd child–still am.

2.5. “Wentworth Tool and Die” is still one of the best fictional company names ever.